My sweet, honey colored, ten plus year old hound dog, Jaxsin, lays on the floor every single day on his oversized stuffed pillow in front of the fireplace, generally snoring and chasing whatever creatures exist in his dreams. (His siblings, Roxey and Alma Jean, typically lay on the sofa.) His pillow is giant, but despite it, plenty of him hangs off of the sides and ends and edges of that pillow each day, spilling onto what little floor space remains between the fireplace and ottoman. A random Jax leg here. A random Jax nose there. A dog shaped, uncomfortable looking, maze of golden, straight legged, back arched, ear curled, wet nosed fluff.
If we're sitting on the sofa or in the recliners and we want to leave the seating area, we have to step around the ottoman and over that fluff each and every time. Jax is a part of the living room landscape, the faithful gatekeeper to the family seating area. A speed bump and check point of fur.
I noticed recently that Jaxsin never flinches when we step over him. Ever.
I just got up, like I usually do several times a day, to get myself a glass of water. Jax was stretched out, yet again, on his fluffy, gray, oversized pillow. As I moved closer to him with my footsteps, his eyes flung open and up and he looked up at me to acknowledge my presence---but he never flinched or lifted his head. He never moved. He never worried that I was going to kick or step on him...
Jaxsin trusts me.
Over a long period of time, he has learned that I'm not going to hurt him. He doesn't worry about what if or what could be, because he leans in on our long relationship of trust, mutual presence for one another, and unconditional love. He is confident that I'm not going to hurt him because he knows I will exercise my best caution as I step over him. Our relationship is steady. We built it by gaining trust in each other in action and careful inaction over time. He's forever optimistic about our unspoken agreement; he will be gentle with me and I with him- and we will tread carefully not to place undue hurt on one another based on that trust.
When I return to the living room, water in hand, his tail thumps gently on the hardwood behind the pillow as I approach. I lean down, give him a hearty ear scratch of appreciation, and step back over him, retreating to the sofa with my glass of water and a book.
I've been thinking a lot about the ways I act or don't act based on trust or lack of trust thanks to the lesson from my faithful brown hound dog.
You see, domesticated dogs don't arrive in life with any other point of focus except to be present so they can earn the trust of their humans and can trust them in return- while loving them unconditionally along the way. That's their entire life's task. They don't care about whether we've earned that promotion or we're accepted by our family or if we're wearing stylish clothing or if we are running a marathon next spring. They care that we are present for them and that they can love and trust us in that presence. That's it.
So.... my mind started to wander. This relationship with Jax is mutual, amicable, and fluid. If I can build this sort of trust with a dog... certainly I can build it with a human. Right?
Well yes. Of course. Except I’d have to make it a priority - the way he does. He only lives to be present, to love, and to trust. No fear. No guilt. No insecurity. No second guessing the need for this level of commitment... He's all in. He knows what he needs and he’s sure he can be there for me too.
Do I know what I need? What I deserve?
I believe we should love ourselves deeply enough to raise the bar of what and who we'll allow into our lives and emotional space based on those qualities. You have always been worthy of love and trust and presence. So why aren't you asking for it? Demanding it for yourself? Refusing to accept less? You can't expect to receive a gift you're not willing to put on your list, right? If you want to build these elements in a relationship, you have to do the hard work of setting yourself up for them by setting your bar first. You must then unapologetically seek people who are willing to be gentle with your soul and who clearly want to earn and keep your trust based on their actions or wise use of inactions. Additionally, you need to aspire to welcome people into your life who are as willing to show up relentlessly for you and be as present in mind, body, and spirit as you are for them- and also people just as focused on love's reciprocity as you are. I know that fear tells us we're not enough and that we don't deserve these things---but we do. We always have. All you have to do is ask for and be open to what's possible... If you expect the worst, you invite it. So flip that mindset on its head and expect and plan for the absolute best caliber, highest vibration, high quality human beings you can imagine to walk into your life. Set your bar and know they're on their way. Accept nothing less to hold space for whose coming. YOU DESERVE those people. Set your bar. Today.
Look. At the very least... you deserve to have people share your life that you can trust to never intentionally kick you in the head if they have to step over you... Right?
xo
Sarah
PS In the meantime, get a dog. If you give them what they need- love, trust, and presence- it'll be one of the most rewarding relationships of your life.
